OUR CHILDREN & THE BURDENS THEY BEAR

As parents, we are boast how much we love our children and will never let anyone hurt them, but what about the things we do to hurt them. We spend so much of our life trying to protect our children from outside forces that can bring them hurt and emotional strain yet we fail to see the emotional devastation we inflict daily, whether it be arguing in front of them, making un-kept promises, divorce or neglecting to listen. It is sad and regretful we don’t realize this as it is happening, but it is implausible when we knowingly thrust it upon them.
I have come to realize, though sadly it has taken so long, there are so many times in my children’s lives I have allowed them to witness my actions, the very ones I preach to them to avoid and however regretful I was of this it can’t be undone. Luckily I have been blessed with beautiful, smart and for the most part, well behaved kids and I am thankful they have and are still surviving my unbalanced world. As much as I have tried to make up for any emotional stress I have caused for any my kids, I have found some are still being exposed affected by actions stemming from my mine and his father’s relationship.
I have been separated from my husband for over a year now, yet we have remained in contact, a story for another time, and have not filed for divorce. In this marriage I was blessed with a wonderful step-son, whom I love unconditionally, but I recently discovered he is still suffering emotional strife. He is a beautiful and bright young man that does not deserve to be placed in the middle of adult issues or asked to keep a secrets. Because of the pressure placed on him to keep quite the things he knows he is suffering emotionally. It has affected his personality, childhood and academics. He spends so much of his time worrying he may divulge something he has been asked not to tell he avoids open conversations with others around him. Then sometimes these secrets weigh on him so much he makes unexpected remarks without further detail. It is evident there is much more he wants to unload but denies himself this relief. His fear, separation from one or the other parent and the fear of the parents historically documented temper, so he lives each day cautiously.
How can a parent burden a child so heavily without considering the consequence, they are so concerned about themselves they don’t stop to think of the ones that should mean the most. It is not a child’s responsibility to keep secrets between parents. If a parent is doing something they shouldn’t be doing ~keep it to yourself~ don’t involve your child. Even worse, while this beautiful child is working so hard to keep secrets that the other parent already knows, you are only placing undue pressure small shoulders. Not only are you upsetting them emotionally but you are teaching them your ways, to lie, cheat and deceive. This is the time they are developing and evolving into adulthood. Is this how you want them to live their life, deceitful and untrusting? You are robbing them of their childhood, a time to be carefree, happy and making mistakes of their own, don’t expect them to protect the confidentially of your choices. These actions are the foundation of your relationship now and in the future.
The saddest part of this situation is when a parent is to self-involved to see the damage being done to their relationship with their child. It is suffering now and will only bring distance and regret in the future. At some point in time, we have to take responsibility for our actions and stop blaming others; we make choices and with those choices come consequence ~ isn’t that what we teach our children? So how can we expect them to grow morally and ethically when we ourselves act atrociously?